Thenwhat analysis

All right.

Sorry I’ve not blogged in forever. In my defense, I offer 3 excuses.

1. I have adorable children whose faces I can’t see whilst gazing into a computer screen
2. There were holidays and I was drunk a great portion of the time.
3. There’s only one person who ever reads this anyway. Which reminds me, honey could you stop at the store on your way home and pick up a loaf of bread?

(Actually that’s just a joke. My wife doesn’t read my blog. Nobody reads this. So you can see why it’s hard to motivate.)

Anyway I’ve been getting ready for the big inaugural bash (Jan 20^th, 7pm, Jewel Box) and like many others combining New Years’ resolutions and Christmas wishes with dreams for the new administration, I’ve been trying to nail down my one biggest hope for the next four years. And here’s what I’ve come up with.

My hope for the Obama administration is that they learn from the previous administration and do what I like to call the “Thenwhat analysis.” on the issues they must address. It’s very simple to do, but for some reason has been utterly rejected by the current administration.

Here’s how you do thenwhat analysis. Before you do something, you ask yourself, “If we do this… Then what?” Sounds simple right? I bet you do a little of that every day. Yet time after time in American politics, we neglect to do the thenwhat analysis.

Imagine if we’d done it say in Iraq? “Let’s invade Iraq.”

“O.K… (short pause) then what?”

“Well, everyone will live happily ever after?”

(Note, if thenwhat analysis comes back “everyone will live happily ever after” you have not done proper thenwhat analysis.)

“Oh wait, on second thought, if we invade Iraq, a lot of people will be killed, millions will be displaced, people won’t be very happy with us and we will be three trillion dollars poorer.”

“Hmm, let’s maybe not do that then.”

Or had we done a little thenwhat analysis with Bush’s tax cuts.

“Hey, let’s cut taxes on the wealthiest Americans while waging two global wars!”

“OK… then what?”

“Um… Oh, wait, we’ll wind up with the largest budget deficits in American History!”

“Hey let’s not do that maybe then…”

Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we had just done some rudimentary thenwhat analysis?

So that’s my hope for the Obama administration. For every policy, may they just do the requisite thenwhat analysis.

“Let’s give GM a ton of money.” Then what?

“Let’s go to war with Iran/ North Korea.” Then what?

Let us always use thenwhat analysis for all things from here on in.

And that’s my wish for the Obama administration. That and health care. Let’s get us some health care.

--w

Second Christmas

Christmas it has come and gone
But in our land the spirit lives on
I needn't mention in this rhyme
We have but one prez at a time
But soon dear Santa has arranged
That we will get the gift of change
One more gift inside that bag
But waiting for it, what a drag...
Turns us into Christmas kids
Just about to flip our lids
Looking at our nation's stockings
Gaping back, so empty. Mocking
Wishing time could just get moving
Get our nation's luck improving
Naught to do but sit and mope
Until those socks get filled with Hope
Real change. Oh how good for the soul!
No more Rove-spun lumps of coal
I'm so excited, I can't speak
Second Christmas! One more week!

Whack Nativities

So there’s been a lot of talk about the atheist’s sign on display at the Washington State Capitol. It’s in a special area with a “holiday tree” and a nativity scene, the theory being that you can have a religious display on public property if you also open it up to other faiths (or lacks of faith) as need be. Well, the freedom from religion foundation took them up on it, and now… well we’ve got a hell of a mess. It’s not just ugly, it’s Bill O’reilly ugly, and that’s pretty ugly.
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/6420ap_wa_capitol_holiday_displays.html

(Note to O’reilly: Matthew 19:23-34 “It is harder for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” See you in hell Bill!)

While I find the wording of the sign a bit harsh, and can think of a lot of other ways the point could be made, I do feel obliged to say to the poor, misguided folks protesting it that THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU DON’T KEEP CHURCH AND STATE SEPARATE! We’ve told you members of the Christian right and anyone else who might listen, that not only is the mix of faith and government bad for the state, it is also bad for religion. When you demand that religious monuments be displayed on public property, the public (read: government) gets to decide what face your religion shows to the world.

And it could be worse than just a few angry atheists. Imagine that the state-supported nativity that you fought so hard for included, say, I don’t know... Something ridiculous… Say… I dunno… a little figurine of a world figure defecating on the whole scene…

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/topics/christmas/3545223/Caganers-figurines-of-defecating-world-leaders-in-Catalan-nativity-scenes.html

No, go back and look again. Scroll through the gallery and read it.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/topics/christmas/3545223/Caganers-figurines-of-defecating-world-leaders-in-Catalan-nativity-scenes.html

Yes, in the Catalan region of Spain, there is an actual TRADITION of putting a figure in the nativity who… oh, how should I put this? Takes a dump in the corner. Imagine if someone demanded that on the White House lawn! Imagine one of those full-size live versions... OK, stop imagining, be glad there aren't a lot of vocal Catalans in our state, and stop complaining when you hear "Season's Greetings" instead of "Merry Christmas, glory to God in the highest."

And do think about this anytime you’re tempted to breach the walls between church and state. Your efforts could end up with a world leader literally and figuratively taking a crap in it.

Now is that really what you want?

Happy holidays, Seasons Greetings and Joyous Saturnalia,

-winlar

When We Say Freedom

When We Say Freedom… We Mean Money
By Winlar
2008
winlar@winlar.net

Many are confused by
U.S. foreign policy
They wonder what we mean when we say
“Freedom isn’t free”

Well, freedom has a lot of meanings
Different usages of the word
And our current regime’s definition might be
Different than ones you’ve heard

It’s a simple misunderstanding
You know it’s actually quite funny
When we say “Freedom?”
We mean money

You’ve heard our president say
“Freedom came under attack”
Our freedom took a hit
So we went and got some in Iraq

Our reasons for invading
Iraq were really sound
They have a lot of freedom there
Once you pump out of the ground

Bush done named it “Operation Iraqi freedom” done he?
Well when he said freedom…
He meant money

Bridge
There’s:
Freedom of the press
Fox news, and CNN
Freedom of religion
The Christian Coali-shen
And if our freely elected leaders you must reach
Well you’re gonna need to raise a little “freedom of speech”

They’ve watered down the word so much
It’s getting kinda runny
When they say freedom
They mean money

Fight for freedom in Darfur?
or Rwanda? Sure, well, fine
Just as soon as we can find a way
To make it fit our bottom line

It’s not that we don’t love third world freedom
Enough for war
It’s really nothing personal, just…
Ooh, they’re so poor!

Get some more foreign investment
Then we’ll talk there sonny
‘Cuz When they say freedom,
They mean money

I hope now that you understand
Why freedom isn’t free
You can only live in freedom
If you pay the membership fee

So as they say so proudly
“Let freedom ring”
I hear some freedom now
Ka-ching ka-ching ka-ching

We love our freedom so much
It really isn’t funny
And when we say freedom… we mean money!

God of STD's

I know. I'm going straight to hell, but at least we'll be laughing all the way there. Here's a song to help teach "Abstinence Education" to our nation's youth. Full lyrics and chords below.

God of STD's
By Winlar
2008
winlar@winlar.net

F Dm Bflat C

God created love. It’s the greatest thing he made

But that don’t mean you’re doing his will when you’re out getting laid

What you’re thinkin’ bout’s a sin the way you behave you

Must never ever act upon the urges… God gave you

Chorus

Bflat C

God created love

F Bflat

That’s plain to see

Bflat C

But our loving God is also

(Tacit)

God of STDs

F, Dm, Bflat, CCC

God created love so love with naught to hide

But know that God created love with one mean downside

God set down some rules for love in Leviticus

And ifyou not follow them God fills… your junk with pus

God is love, but platonic love

I think you will agree

Remember that you’re messing with

The God of STD’s

Bridge

Gm Dm

You may laugh and say what do I know about love

Gm Dm

You may taunt me or tease me or scoff

Gm Dm

But heed my advice and you’ll thank me someday

A C

When your penis DOESN’T fall off

Love’s a gift from God to everything that’s living

But God can also gift you with the gift that keeps on giving

So you might think that you love that boy so bad it gives you fits

But you never know when Satan might be lurking… in his naughty bits

Love’s a very blessed thing

We all can agree

But don’t mess with the blessings of…

the God Of STDs

So remember kids to use your bible not your common sense

Demons, hellfire, these are things that condoms won’t prevent

Life Romance and Happiness for those you’ve God to thank

But read the good book you’ll see on the eighth day… God created skank

Chorus

God is the creator of all eternity

But our maker has a side job…

God of STDs.

My Heart's in a Condition of Extraordinary Rendition

In honor of the news the NY Times reported today about secret missions our military has been conducting into countries we're not at war with, I thought I'd post this little song about "extraordinary rendition." That's where the CIA secrets people away to countries where torture is legal and, well, who knows what happens, but they supposedly start talking. This naturally inspired me to write a love song. Enjoy!

My Heart’s in a Condition

Of Extraordin’ry Rendition

By Winlar

2008

winlar@winlar.net

(Chorus)

My heart’s in a condition

Of Extraordin’ry rendition

No freedom since you got a hold of me

Been beaten black and blue

To make me say that I love you true

Your love takes some uncivil liberties

Oh the things my heart has done

Ever since I met you hon’

It really is so hard to explain

I said "how do you do"

And the next thing that I knew

My heart was handcuffed, gagged and forced onto a plane

My poor heart vanished with no trace

To some dark and scary place

You know they say that love can curl your hair?

Well it can straighten it out too

Especially when you

Got your Electrodes hooked up dear god knows where

Chorus

Bridge:

They say love takes one to strange places

Now I know what that means

I just wish your strange places

Weren’t run by such cruel regimes…

And now my love I’m locked in

To your love’s extreme shock doctrine

I haven’t felt quite right since don’t know when

Not sure where it will get us

But I love you dear, now let us

Never ever ever speak of this again….

My Endorsement

With one day left before the election, pollsters tell us that one in seven voters may still be undecided. How? You’ve had two years people! What kind of laissez-faire citizen must you be to not have accidentally gleaned enough info at this point to at least make the wrong decision?

But then I realized what it is everyone is waiting for! MY official endorsement. Yes, I realized that I haven’t officially endorsed anyone yet, and though it shouldn’t be too hard if you read my work, watch my shows, or hear my songs to figure out which candidate I’d endorse, if you’re still undecided at this point maybe you’re just not smart enough to read which direction I’m leaning without me out and out saying so.
So here goes:

I endorse, with nearly every fiber of my being, Barack Obama for President of the United States. So if you’ve been undecided, please go vote for him now.

Why?
In short, he’s one of us and all of the opposition’s attempts to paint him as “the other” have only managed to point this out in greater detail.
He wasn’t born to wealth and privilege. He’s worked hard to gain everything he’s achieved with an intellectual curiosity this college graduate finds deeply refreshing. He hasn’t turned his back on his roots either, pushing for health care, tax fairness, higher wages, and social equality for the middle class.
And outside of the many tangible issues he's right about, let’s just talk about the gut reaction we get from this guy, which is that he can flat-out lead. Whether he’s right or wrong, flim-flam or the real McCoy, I will follow this guy. I’ve heard folks question what this “Svengali-like hold” Obama wields over people is. Might I suggest it might be a thing called “leadership” that we’ve been without so long we hardly recognize it anymore? Dismiss it all as "words" if you must, but we live now in the information age, and commanding words is an important part of commanding a nation.

With this endorsement of course, I do not wish to disparage Senator McCain. Following his career as I have, I have always thought of him as an honorable man. I don’t wish to disparage him. Unfortunately, through his campaign, he has disparaged himself.

Senator McCaskill of Missouri said it best. “Barack Obama is running to fix America and John McCain is simply running against Barack Obama.” I’ve long respected Sen. McCain’s position on reform, but he has dishonored himself with the low nature of his campaign.
Perhaps out of desperation he has played the “guilt by association” gambit, a gambit which does a disservice to McCain’s honor, to our political process, and to logic itself. But since McCain began with that gambit, he has fallen victim to it, as his own association to a miserable unjust war, a running mate with no ideas or experience just bile and insults, and a Republican Party so mad to remain in power they will forego decency, morality and the good of the nation. Were this country the child in King Solomon’s Conundrum, they would clearly rather it be split than share the rule of it. Such friends defame you Senator McCain, and while I may have welcomed you in the White House, your friends have vandalized its walls and we can’t have them there anymore. You would serve your honor best to disassociate from such people.

So there you have it. I endorse Obama and any force to change the direction of this nation towards progressive policies where EVERY American dream stands a better chance of fulfillment.

Now go vote.