Thought I'd Caught the Easter Bunny...

Here's a little song I wrote an Easter or two ago.  Safe for work and kids and all.  Why not spread the Easter cheer herein by liking it and making it viral?
Happy Easter,
-winlar


It’s a well-known fact at Easter
That I need not repeat
That if you catch the Easter Bunny
He’ll give you all the chocolate eggs you can eat!

So every year I set up traps
All around my yard
To catch that sneaky cottontail
You wouldn't think it’d be that hard...

And this year I thought I had him!
Right there in my trap!
But on investigation
I’m afraid he beat the rap

Every springtime the same thing
So frustrating dagnabbit
I thought I caught the Easter Bunny
But it was just some other talking rabbit

Man, this year I was so sure
That I had the right guy
How many rabbits could there be
Who wear a suit and tie?

Who also just so happen to be
Out on Easter’s eve?
But it turned out it wasn’t him
It was just some bunny named Steve

I really really thought this time
That I finally had it
I thought I’d caught the Easter bunny
But it was just some other talking rabbit

Br.So I let him go
He’s just some schmo
No lagomorphic prince
Why is it that I never catch hide nor
hare of consequence?

It looked a whole lot like him though
That there’s no denying
It seems absurd, but he gave his word
You don't suppose he could have been lying?
Nah!

So my dream of a lifetime egg supply
This year is done
because I stink at Rabbit
Identification 101

The whole sordid adventure
Reminds me of that day
when I swore I saw Santa Claus
But it was just some random flying sleigh.

Here's hoping all these near misses
Don’t become a habit
I thought I’d caught the Easter Bunny
But it was just some other talking rabbit

Newt Newt Newt!

Here’s a little song about a phenomenon called “Gingrich Envy.”  My apologies to the Sherman Brothers.

 I need a new video camera, so sorry about the poor quality.  You'll want to read along to the lyrics below.

 He’s the king of the swingers boys,

In this year’s  G.O.P.

He reached the top, but had to stop

For rampant hypocrisy

Wantsa be the white man’s white man

The Republish nominee

wants His face in its rightful place

In revisionist history..,

Oh, Newt Newt Newt

I wanna be like Newt Newt Newt

I wanna run like Newt, have fun like Newt

The big galoot

A lotta high falutes

Think he’s  so -astute

He’s arrogant and crude to boot

So don’t mess with him white man

He’ll make a deal with you

He’s gonna need ya’ to blame the media

For all his graft and woo

Give him the nomination

This greedy legislator

Give him the seat, or he’ll treat

Ya’ like a CNN Moderator!

Oh, Newt Newt Newt

I wanna be like Newt Newt Newt

I wanna get irate during debates

And ballyhoo

An empty suit

With an ugly snoot.

He’s  proof that who you choose is moot

Bridge:

Moon base fat face, Palestine’s ficticious race, Saul Alinsky radicals

A tryst with Callista, a lesbian sista’, and Long Greek cruise Sabbaticals

Go-Pac ,  talk smack, back track, Dream act, campaign staff disparagin’

He’s polling behind, he’s got a closed mind but he’s got a very open marriage

Oh, Newt Newt Newt

I wanna be like Newt Newt Newt

Oh I want kick backs from Freddy mac.

Wanna be hirsute

he’s a hypocrite, but his name ain’t Mitt

He’s a total Dick, but try googlin’ Rick

That don’t compute

Soooo, Newt Newt Newt

I wanna be like Newt Newt Newt

He's the non-Romney nominee

There’s no dispute

That this rude blue coot, of ill repute is now en route

To Pennsylvania ave- Newt Newt Newt

I wanna walk like Newt, talk like Newt,

Newt Newt Newt

I wanna walk like Newt, talk like Newt

Newt Newt Newt

But mainly I just want to have,

Affairs with interns

I wanna walk like Newt Talk like newt

Newt newt nudity newt di newt newt

The Mango Mentality as applied to the Occupy Wall Street Movement. A theory.

Here's a theory as to why we humans have trouble understanding economics: For most of our time on this planet as a species, the economic system looked nothing like today's. We evolved in a hunter-gatherer economy. This hunter-gatherer economy was radically different than today's yet our attitudes towards work, wealth, and fairness are still based on that model.

 An example: Say you're in a hunter-gather society and you're foraging about for, let's say mangoes. (I have no idea if mangoes even existed then, but you know what I mean. It's a thought experiment and the word "mango" is fun to say. Just roll with it.) Now say that you don't have a mango. You're hungry, but no worries. Mangoes are plentiful. They're everywhere in this thought experiment. If you don't have a mango, it's pretty much your own fault. Go get a mango. You may need to forage a little farther, climb a higher tree, whatever, but it's always perfectly possible for you to get your own darned mango, and thus, it's also perfectly reasonable for others in your tribe to tell you to "get a mango you dirty hippie and stop your whining." There are infinite mangoes to go around, and just shut up and go get a mango. But that was three economies ago. That hunter-gatherer model is long gone. However, we've changed economic systems three times in roughly 20,000 years, a mere hiccup in evolutionary terms, which is why our mentality hasn't changed much. But we need to change the mango mentality. It's long overdue. Because...

 Because now we have MONEY. Money is not mangoes. Mangoes were everywhere, but money is not. The important thing to know about money is this: Money is FINITE. There is only so much of it by design. If money were infinite, it would be worthless. Silly pieces of paper cluttering the house. But we purposely make it rare and the rarer it is the more people want it. For money to have value, it has to be scarce.

 So new thought experiment. Imagine a world with only say, 100 mangoes. Enough to go around, but not an endless supply. Now it isn't just a matter of working hard and finding a mango. Now if you are mangoless, you can't just increase the mango population with effort and toil, now your only choice is to figure out a way to get one of the previously existing mangoes. You need to cajole, entertain, make a deal, steal or physically remove one from someone who already has a mango. Now it becomes a game of mango musical chairs, and when the music stops and you don't have a mango times get desperate indeed. Oh, and one guy has like 60 mangoes and he ain't sharing.

Now is it OK to accuse the mangoless of laziness? If one person is sitting on 60 mangoes, won't share them, won't spend them, won't even LEND them so that you can start a small business (See what I did there?) is it not then appropriate and logical to suggest that the system needs change? If the finite mangoes aren't circulating hard work and true grit aren't going to change that. The only thing that will change anything is a revolution (to be avoided at all costs) a war (to steal someone else's hard earned mangoes) or some other kind of a shake up to get the mangoes moving around again. I have to say I prefer the non-violent shake up of the system. Not talking about giving out free mangoes. Talking about creating ways to earn the mangoes. We can't create more mangoes. It's not allowed. So we have to invent ways to make sure there are existing mangoes available to reward a hard day's work. 

Yet, so many of us are mired in moldy mango mentality. We still base our concepts of fairness and worth on a model of infinite resources even though we now live in a society of purposely finite ones. It's a mentality we've held for a million years that hasn't kept pace with the developments of Agriculture, Industry, and the Information age. This attitude is an impediment to change and it has to change. Our attitudes need to catch up to the last 20,000 years. So let's evolve already. Ditch the mango mentality for a better vision, and stop the name-calling of those who are pointing out the problem.

Thanks,
-winlar

PS:  Here's a cool link.
http://motherjones.com/politics/2011/02/income-inequality-in-america-chart-graph

The Way of the Draining Lizard

Blast from the past time! Out of the blue, I've been sent an mp3 file of The Way of the Draining Lizard sketch that I wrote for NPR's Rewind. I put it up on my reverbnation site, and now clicking on the title of this post should take you there. (You have to hit the play button I think.)
Enjoy!
PS. Thanks Frank!

Professional Info for Winlar, writer for hire

Reviews:

“Hilarious. Amazing! Grade A.”

-Seattle Post-Intelligencer

“Pee-in-your-pants fun”

-Seattle Weekly

“Unusually strong comedy—Witty, wise & weird.”

-Seattle Times

“Kazoo! is sketch comedy Nirvana.”

-Seattle Weekly

WINNER: Best of Seattle Fringe Festival

SELECTED: Vancouver Int’l Comedy Fest, Foolproof Comedy Fest, Bumbershoot

Solo Shows (Written and performed)

Winlar! Not Safe For Work (Sept 24th 2010)

Break-up Songs for Valentine’s Day (Feb. 2010)

Winlar’08: Making Things Worse (Sept. 2008)

Love, Politics, and Love (March 2008)

Nothing Controversial: Just Religion, Politics and How to Raise Your Children (June 2007)

Winlar Live! (Nov. 2006)

Sketch Comedy Extravaganzas (Writer, Producer and Performer)

Kazoo! Mostly Erect (May 2006)

The Gospel According to Kazoo! (Sept. 2005)

Kazoo! in Concert! (July 2005)

Kazoo! For Love and Money (March 2004)

The Kazoo! Bible (Sept 2003)

Kazoo! 7 (Sept 2001)

Kazoo! 6 (March 2001)

Kazoo! 5 (March 2000)

Kazoo! 4 (March 1999)

Kazoo! 3-D (Summer 1998)

Kazoo! 2: The New Kazoo! Review (March 1998)

Kazoo! (March 1997)

Radio and Television Experience

NPR’s “Rewind with Bill Radke” Freelance Writer 1999-2002

KIRO TV’s “John Report with Bob” Writer, Performer 2000-2001

KING 5 TV’s “Almost Live” Staff Writer/Performer 1999

KBCS 91.3FM Radio Show Host 1999-2000

Contact info:

Brian “Winlar” Wennerlind

winlar@winlar.net

13020 6^th Pl SW

Burien WA 98146

206.241-1007

206.972.3396 cell

See also: youtube.com/kazootv

funnyordie.com/winlar

CD’s and DVD’s available on request

A Ove Song

D Dsus2 A
I went to pen a song for you but I accidentay
D Dsus2 A
Knocked my cup of coffee over and spied iquid on the keys
G D G A
My aptop was totay fried but eventuy it mosty got better
G D A
And now it functions reasonabby fine with the exception of one important etter
D Dsus2
As for how my songwriting went
G
Obviousy not to we
D Dsus2 A
I tried to write you a ove song but my typewriter doesn’t have a
D Dsus2

2
It’s a most pequeiar probem I gotta talk with my computer wiz
I can’t even type the etter that I can’t type to te you what the etter even is
You can see it's causin' me endess troube and strife
I can't say how you’re my uscious itte ady who’s the ever ovin’ ight of my ife
There are otsa otsa otsa ines that I’m not sure that I ever get to te
I wanna write you a ove song but my typewriter doesn’t have a…

Sing
Tra a a a a a a a ah.
Tha a a a a a a a ah

C’mon. Sing a ong. A of you!
Now just the gentemen! Now just the adies!
Now a together!

Facebook Whore

D G

You asked me for your friendship

D A

And since I think I’ve earned it

D G

I went as far as logging in

D A

And clicking to confirm it

Gmin Dmin

But then I saw your list of so-called friends on your profile

Gmin Dmin

The list you have of cyberpals

A

Went on for miles and miles

D G

I suspected you a phony

D A

But now I am quite sure

G D

I thought you were my special friend

A D

(Pause) But you’re just another facebook whore!

G D A

Facebook whore

G D

I thought that you were special but turns out

A

You’re just another facebook whore

You’ve got ten thousand facebook friends

But it’s all just a show

I’m certain more than half of them

You barely even know

I can’t believe you take online

Relationships so gratis

Do you ever do anything else but update your fucking status?

I have to say I find your online etiquette quite poor

No I won’t sign your online petition

‘cause you’re just another facebook whore

(Chorus)

(Bridge)

Gmin Dmin

I don’t want you to poke me

Don’t write on my wall

Don’t send me little gifts

You do know those aren’t gifts at all

Don’t tag me in your pictures

Don’t ask to be a fan

Don’t ask me to take an online quiz

A

To see what Twilight character I am

D G

View quiz, I don’t think so, no

D A

Just watch me click ignore

G D A

You’re a livingsocial disease and you’re just another facebook whore

So now I am unfriending you

I’m gonna hide your face

No more do I want to see you

slutting up my space

I’ve had it with your links and likes

and all your facebook litter

From now I’ll only follow you

on youtube, I.M., linkedin and twitter

And no I do not want to join you

To play mafia wars

So take your invitation back because You’re just another facebook whore